11/27

You’re married to someone you love like crazy, but your communication styles are very different. You both want things to work, but your efforts are in very different ways. It ends up feeling like everything makes it worse. So what do you do? We’ll, I end up writing on my blog like some angst teen with a MySpace account.

I talk too fast, I ask questions rapid fire, I think too quickly. That’s not what’s said, but it is what I hear. I’m not patient enough but acquiescence is given when examples prove the contrary more recently.

Options are turned down without even trying them citing they’ll lead to the same outcome, but how do we know if we don’t try? Is this truly Simone I can spend forever with? How can I ever leave them when they get me so well in other aspects?

Therapy and medication have helped me feel less irritable; a sign of depression and anxiety. But that doesn’t save me from the hurt of someone who doesn’t care enough to try new ways of communicating.

Don’t misunderstand, I’m not looking for sympathy or answers. Just a place to get my thoughts down. To wade through feelings without getting feedback from others. Being interrupted by their thoughts or opinions rather than questions and support.

I’m certain this is at least half of my doing. A childhood of learning emotional manipulation and abuse didn’t give me strong examples of successful communication, but even that feels like a cop out. I’m grown now, I can learn new skills. And should.

I know pushing makes him shutdown, but how do you get answers when someone else meanders through monologues with no examples and claims that this is “their thing, not yours”?

I need to get ahold of my anxiety which will help with patience. But when is too much patience given? When is it actually enabling poor behavior? Allowing someone to get a free pass on working on their skills as well? How does one know the balance between hearing and being heard? I don’t know the answer… only that I haven’t found it yet.

Maybe sleep and therapy will help provide some clarity. I hope so at least.

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