Where was I and why am I back?

Oof; you’re really bringing the big guns, but that’s a fair question. I was super active, got my dream job, then ghosted. Based on this trajectory, it seems weird that I ghosted and unrealistic to trust that I’m back.

I’ll be honest, I’m not even sure how much I trust myself for the second question, but it seems prudent to start with the first…

Where was I?

Well, I was working my dream job. Have you every gotten something you really wanted and then realized 2 to 3 years in that it was exactly what you wanted, but maybe your priorities have changed? That was 100% me. I loved my job and coworkers. I felt appreciated and like I mattered. But suddenly it just wasn’t doing it for me. I was putting in long hours, plus a long commute. I’d already started to question if this was really what would fulfill me in the long term when COVID hit. All of my doubts/wonderings was further confirmed when remote work started up and I suddenly was sans commute and loving it. I could go for a walk with the hubby and furbaby at lunch, de-stressing from being “important” to everyone who needed something from me at work. It was incredible. When things started to return to normal and the commute was back, suddenly all of the things I enjoyed about my job were decidedly NOT enough to cover the time missing with my family. I think that puts me in line with many many other people, so definitely not unique here. After that, it took me awhile to detox, find a job that suited my new priorities, and process what all of us lived through globally.

So, that moves us to our next question:

Why am I back?

Finding a job that I still enjoy but has fewer hours is wonderful. I spend way more time with my family living in the moment. You know, those precious seconds when you find yourself laughing over nothing with a loved one and think “I could live here, right now, forever.” The tradeoff of finding a job that doesn’t consume me, is that I kind of feel like I don’t matter as much. That’s totally a topic for therapy that me not being stressed = me not contributing enough somehow, but it’s where I’m at. In order to help me get out of my head, I’ve returned to my constant love: books. Previously when I was super active, I was getting crazy about creating schedules for reading books, pushing content, and interacting with everyone. It took the passion out of it really quickly when paired with a new, very demanding job. Something had to give, and for me, that typically ends with me compromising something from myself. I’m so glad that I’ve found my way back to a healthier way of thinking, of self care, and am returning to books. Because books are a wonderful thing that deserve sharing and discussion, that leads me back to this blog. I appreciate anyone who was around for my first go, anyone who will be here for my second, and anyone that will have “grown up” with me for both.

I’d love to hear how anyone else dealt with everything that transpired or how they’re adjusting to life as we live in a continuing/post pandemic environment in the comments.

If you were just here to understand what happened, I get that, too.

For all of us: Stay safe. Share love. Read books.

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